Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
