He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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