On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
