You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
