Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
