That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we're so committed to being not committed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
