I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize