Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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