im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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