he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
