i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
