Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
