You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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