I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
