i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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