Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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