never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
