If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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