my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
