just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
