I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
