Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
