i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
