Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
