If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
