i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
