I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
