My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
