When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
