I'm lost and stupid without you.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
