I want to stick my p in your. b.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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