dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
