He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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