He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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