I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
