Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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