garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was like eating out sand paper
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
