the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
