I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
