she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
