I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
