therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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