I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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