Quick, to the slutcave!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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