She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
