Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
