its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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