sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
