I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
