i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
