come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she pinky promised me she was 18
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
