At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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