did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
