there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
