I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
