I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She is in my trunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
