if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
