I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
