No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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