what day is it and did you see me today?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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