he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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