I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
