that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
