This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
