Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
